ermm.. aku kononnya nak feeling novelist petang ni tapi malas pulak nak type panjang lebar. maka, dengan memendekkan isi kandungan aku untuk hari ini, dengan gembiranya aku istiharkan bahawa hari ini aku tak perlu kelam kabut dan perah otak nak siapkan juadah berbuka. ini disebabkan ma siang-siang dah talipon suruh aku dan famili berbuka di sana malam ini. baru jugak aku selesai berbual dengan ma di talipon. dan ma juga memberi amaran keras supaya aku tidak membeli apa-apa barang makan untuk berbuka seperti yang selalu aku buat sebab menu malam ini ialah :- 1) nasi ambeng - ada lauk sambal goreng, ayam goreng, ikan goreng, begedil, serunding etc. 2) puteri salad durian 3) ondeh-ondeh 4) aku luper 5) aku betul luper lagi dua menu tu aku luper kuih apa... jangan marah... jadi, malam ini, nampaknyer muntah kedarahlah aku sekeluarga dengan juadah berbuka seperti di atas. macamlah aku boleh makan semua tu... tapi inilah peluang ma untuk betul-betul enjoy masak seperti dulu. memang ma rajin dan pandai masak tapi situasi sekarang dah tak sama macam dulu. kalau dulu, aku dan adik perempuan aku yang boleh habiskan lauk seperiuk tapi sekarang, apa yang ma masak either dipanaskan sampai berhari-hari atau masuk ke mulut tong sampah. ini disebabkan my little fratello dan pa memang tak makan banyak. kesian ma, cooking talent go to waste. nasib baiklah aku ada dua askar yang memang kaki makan so ma enjoyed cooking for the boys. pat rumah aku pulak terbalik, memang banyak kaki makan tapi kekurangan kaki masak. boley aku cakap gitu? nak tulis pendek sependek pendeknya pun masih panjang jugak. rasa-rasanya dah lebih 150 patah perkataan ni.. susahlah kalau dah biasa tulis long-hand ni!

Sesungguhnya aku DAH BOSAN Sesungguhnya aku DAH FED-UP Sesungguhnya aku DAH PENAT Sesungguhnya aku DAH TAK TAHU NAK BUAT APA LAGI! Tunggu punya tunggu, jam baru kul 4.27 petang! Keluh punya keluh, bila nak pukul 5 ni? Aku nak balik; nak masak, nak main ngan kucing, nak tengok Selera Ramadhan, nak buka puasa dengan anak2, nak cuci baju, nak kasi makan kucing, nak siapkan makan suami, nak gosok baju. So many things, so little time.... always like that! Benci!

outing semalam benar-benar membuatkan aku teringat kembali zaman sekolah dulu. tak sangka, dah lebih 10 tahun aku tinggalkan zaman persekolahan. 5 sekawan yang pernah sama-sama menduduki zaman sekolah rendah dan kemudian 4 ke sekolah menengah guangyang di bishan manakala 1 ke sekolah menengah braddel di braddel road. tamat zaman persekolahan, maka lenyaplah persahabatan kerana masing-masing sibuk dengan urusan sendiri. aku, lily dan syalin bagaimanapun masih dapat berhubungan kerana kami berjiran. yanti, yang juga merupakan anak saudara bekas tunangku dulu, juga tinggal berdekatan namun setelah putusnya pertunangan aku dengan pakciknya, putus juga persahabatanku dengannya tanpa sebarang sebab yang aku tahu. nana pula tenggelam dengan kawan barunya setelah habis periksa PSLE dulu. maka terjadilah pertemuan antara yanti dan kami semua. aku, lily, syalin memang dah pernah keluar bersama dan nana baru kita 'jumpa' semula awal tahun ini. lily menyarankan kita berbuka puasa di lau pa sat memandangkan aku, nana dan syalin bekerja di daerah itu. seperti biasa kalau ada temu janji antara kita, syalin akan menunggu di bawah pejabatku, begitu juga nana. kami tiba dahulu di lau pa sat. lily datang kemudiannya dan tanpa pengetahuan kami semua, membawa yanti bersama. of courselah aku terperanjat katak, begitu juga dengan syalin. aku tak sangka dia sudi nak jumpa kita orang semua. sangkaku, dia mungkin tak akan berbual dengan aku since aku ni kan bekas tunang pakcik dia and that was ermm.. 10 tahun yang lepas?? ok, aku ngaku that time aku terlalu naive, umur baru setahun jagung dah nak bertunang dengan first love. memang benar ada hikmah di sebalik semuanya itu. berbalik pada kisah berbuka semalam, maka berceritalah kita semua tentang diri masing-masing. aku, lily, syalin dan nana yang sememangnya dah tahu cerita masing-masing, kini menumpukan sepenuh perhatian kepada cerita yanti. since aku tengok dia boleh berbual macam biasa dengan aku, aku pun berbuallah macam biasa dengan dia. sikit pun aku tak sentuh tentang bekas tunang aku. masing-masing dah mendirikan rumahtangga kecuali lily yang masih single mingle triangle. syalin dah beranak dua - seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan, yanti pula - seorang anak perempuan, aku dan nana sajalah yang sedang mengandung anak pertama. selesai berbuka dan bercerita, kita bergerak dari lau pa sat untuk pulang ke rumah. lily send us home, bermula dari syalin di marsiling, turun ke rumah yanti di woodlands ring, then ke rumah nana di punggol dan aku, biasalah sentiasa yang terakhir sampai rumah sebab lepas hougang, lily dengan mudahnya boleh drive pulang ke bishan. and the shocking thing was, yanti and lily dah advance gedevance belikan aku hadiah hari jadi since hari jadi aku falls during 1st week of raya and they takut tak sempat nak kasi ni hadiah. lily informed yanti's the one yang ingat birthdate aku. 2nd shocking news. tak pernah aku sangka after all this years, dia masih ingat birthday aku (aku pun ingat birthday dia!). then bila sampai rumah tu, dengan muka tak malunya aku terus buka prezen yang dibalut rapi dan diletak dalam paperbag chomel. omg!! cantiknya rantai dan kerabu yang they belikan. i was of course terlalu gembira tak terkata so aku sms my gratitude. tak sangka yanti masih ingat taste aku. boleh posing buat raya noh! and of courselah, malam tu, aku buka cerita to my darling husband yang setia menunggu aku di rumah (ermm.. aku umpan belikan satay jer.. tak banyak) about yanti's appearance at earlier dinner. then aku pun ceritalah siapa yanti tu, bla bla bla.. yada yada yada.. tapi laki aku sikit pun tak hiraukan sebab dia tengah sibuk repair handphone. chet! then it was a late goodnight past midnite. hantarkan makcik-makcik yang tinggal woodlands tu pon makan 1 jam lebih aku sampai rumah tau. but it was really a good outing and a good thing to meet all back like old time.

A sufficient time spend between husband and wife at home.

A sufficient celebration which felt so real when it's actually nothing.

Happy 30th Birthday My Darling Hubby!

May today bring joy in your life

The only present that I think is special for both of us this year

Is the tiny life that's growing inside me

That's the nicest present for both you and me

I have and love you and this love will remain forever

So what we did at home?

We talk, we sleep, we watch Animal Planet on cable tv and we sleep again

We send the kids away to my mum's place for the night

We went out to Hougang Mall for a stroll and night snacks

And we fall asleep again in each other's arm

A really nothing but it meant so much for one who appreciates stares & gaze

Deep beyond that ferocious temper

I saw your good heart

Deep beyond that vulgar language

I saw your sorry eyes

Deep beyond my expectations

You shower me with your nicest surprises

Deep inside my heart

I know you'll be my one & only

My friend, my soul and my love

trooot trooot.. trooot trooot... "hello, who's there? "rosly." "congratulations! you're the 5th caller." "so leslie.." "it's rosly, not leslie." "oh sorry. ok rosly, so what's your strategy to win the subaru wrx challenge?" "stand there till everyone goes home." "you think it's so easy hah?" "i know it's not easy but well, i'll try my best." "good. we'll see you on the 30th." "ok. thank you." conversation goes well between Venetta Lopez and my darling husband. after several attemps, he finally got into the 1st round of this Subaru WRX Challenge organized by Class95, Perfect10 and Gold90.5 FM. coming month end, he'll have to go thru the colour balls draw lot... if he managed, he'll be standing there at takashimaya. to him, nothing else matter but to try his best withstanding the days doing this challenge. all the best and good luck darling!

You are the color red. You are the most controversial of all the colors. You are often easily angered, but as easily as you got excited, you come down. When angered, do you have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards, do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe. But you're incredibly generous, and, odd enough, needy. You love to hate, and sometimes, you hate to love. This color describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad situation, you're pessimistic, and when you're in a good situation, you're extremely optimistic. You're painfully tempermental, and sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy talking to people and being social. But aside from your bold and outgoing attitude, you're attention-needing and attention-getting. This color is associated with lust and desire--and you are both lust and desirous. You're a protective person when it comes to the people you love. You're incredibly sharp-witted and powerful (not to mention intelligent!). What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!) brought to you by Quizilla

kalau dah kaki pancing tu, memang however you try and put aside your joran, you won't be able to do it. sabtu lepas ibarat lepaskan gian habis-habisan sebelum menjelangnya ramadhan. memang aku pun plan nak pancing sekali so aku suggested longkang 6 since dah lama kita tak ke sana. konon-konon nak tangkap kerapu pat situ. then dar suggested gi punggol end since azli pun nak ikut. *sigh* asal aku ajak dia pancing jer, mesti dia nak kena ajak orang lain. apa? tak boleh ke pancing dengan aku dua orang jer? i gave in and ended up at punggol. tapi memang nasib baiklah ada azli, kalau tak memang boring coz we're right towards the end. tempat memang so secluded and nice. maka berpancinglah dua orang kenalan ni sambil membuat lawak. aku cuma bawak kembes, selimut (takut sejuk) and roti kirai/jala/renjis yang aku buat pat rumah tadi. tapi aku tak jadi pancing sebab aku tak pandai kalau pancing from shore... hehe.. nanti campak ke mana, jatuh ke mana. later on the night, dilla, azli's girlfriend pun sampai. dah 2 tahun aku tak jumpa dia. dia pun dah nak tamat kursus perguruan dia pat NIE. so while the guys fished, we chat and eat. omar ngan kawan dia, abg rejab sampai at nearly 11. at that time, memang belum nampak bayang ikan pun. one thing about the place is, there's no toilet and there's lots of sandflies.. paling aku benci sekali kalau dah banyak sandflies, so the very uncomfortable, gatal satu kaki. then midnight tiba and when the candles semua dah mati, nyamuk pun start attack. i hate mosquitoes!! sampai bintat-bintat kaki tangan aku. the worst is yet to come so before that happens, i took my leave. bid the rest goodnight and ask dar to send me home. dia pun kena attack jugak... tu lah! tak tahu nak cakap nak overnight, semua keperluan penting (lagi-lagi mosquito repellent) tak dibawak. aku sampai rumah past midnight. dar had his shower and take his leave, to join back his friends at punggol. i had the bed for myself that night and it was, oh god, so nice to be back home. the next thing i realised, i woke up at 6.30 in the morning and dar was already home by then. so aku pun tanya lah, dapat ikan ke tak. dia cakap dapat tapi dia segan nak bawak balik sebab periok pat rumah semuanya besar-besar. kekek kejap aku dengar. sempat buat lawak. dar cakap dapat 2 gelama, 3 usat and 1 flower crab, size kaki dia. hmmm.. meleleh kejap air liuh dengar dia cakap flower crab. tapi semua tu dia kasi ngan bebudak yang pancing pat sebelah kita orang that night. oklah.. tercapai jugaklah niat dia nak gi pancing sebelum puasa.

ya rabbibi mustafa balighma qasidhana wa firlana mamadha ya warsi alqadhabil itulah doa nyanyian semua pelajar yang berkumpul sesudah tamat pelajaran di madrasah muhajirin. aku tak pasti sama ada ejaannya betul tapi kalau tak silap aku, itulah nyanyiannya. tiba-tiba aku teringat zaman madrasah dulu. papa daftarkan aku masuk madrasah bila aku dah menengah satu. mula-mula memanglah rasa malu sebab aku terpaksa mula dari peringkat darjah 1, apatah lagi bila ada rakan sedarjah aku yang usianya jauh lebih muda. mujur juga bukan aku yang tua di situ. ada yang lebih senior dari aku. masih ingat lagi nama ustazah yang mengajar aku dari darjah 1 hinggalah ke darjah 5 ~ ustazah norhaya, yang tinggal di blk 1, toa payoh lorong 7 (tak tahulah sama ada dia dah pindah ke tempat lain ataupun tidak). ustazah norhayalah mentor aku dan pelajar senior yang lain. memang dia garang tapi hatinya lembut. sindirannya juga kadang-kala pedas tapi masuk ke otak. kenangan masa bersekolah madrasah yang diadakan tiap 2 kali seminggu pada sebelah petang ternyata masih segar di ingatan. di situlah aku dapat membuat kawan selain dari kawan sekolah menengah aku sendiri. masih teringat kalau di bulan ramadhan, ma tak lupa bawakkan satu tupperware besar bila aku ke madrasah, jadi bila balik nanti, aku boleh ambil bubur masjid sekali lebih-lebih lagi bila pelajar madrasah diberi priority dulu. aku tak habiskan sekolah madrasah. di pertengahan darjah 5, aku 'memberhentikan' diriku dari ke madrasah disebabkan peperiksaan peringkat O tahun itu. memang slacking rasanya nak kena belajar, nak kena pergi madrasah. lagipun, time tu aku dah besar, dah boleh buat keputusan sendiri so aku cakap ngan ma & pa yang aku tak nak pergi madrasah lagi. luckily they were all right with it. dan sesungguhnya, dengan pelajaran madrasahlah aku kenal huruf jawi dan mampu menulis dan membaca dengan baik. dengan pelajaran madrasah jugalah aku masih ingat doa dan bacaan sampai sekarang. dengan pelajaran madrasah jugalah aku tahu apa itu sinnun, uzunun, ainun etc. pa memang ajar ngaji di rumah, dari aku kecil sampailah aku besar. seperti madrasah juga, aku 'memberhentikan' diriku dari terus mengaji dengan alasan nak belajar untuk O level. dulu, kalau belajar, mati-matian.. kalau boleh sumer mata pelajaran nak pass. tapi bila dah pass dan bila dah gatal bekerja, malas pulak nak balik semula belajar. sedar tak sedar, sejak kali terakhir aku 'memberhentikan' diriku mengaji dan sejurusnya belajar semula dari Alif Ba Ta, memang aku bersyukur kerana aku masih kenal huruf. kalau terus buta huruf, tentu sia-sia pa mengajarku dan menghantarku belajar di madrasah.

when i was a little girl... now i do wish my child would look more like me... more updates on my pregnancy click the link below HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, BABE!

hanya kasih sayang yang ku pinta bukan emas, perak atau permata hanya rangkulan mesra yang ku damba bukan ungkapan kata yang penuh nista hanya masa sekeluarga yang ku angankan bukan untuk membebankan fikiran hanya pertolongan yang ku harapkan bukan untuk menambahkan kesakitan salahkah aku berkeadaan begini? bukan pintamu tapi mahuku salahkah aku menangis seorang diri? bukan pintaku tapi keranamu kadangkala bila terjadinya sengketa antara suami isteri, pasti salah satu akan mengharapkan bahawa sengketa itu tidak perlu terjadi. tidak dapat aku nafikan, aku salah seorang daripada mereka. walaupun kadang-kala bila hati ini dah terlalu sakit, the only thing that i'll mumble is men are jerks! dan kadang-kala tu bila dah seorang diri melalui semuanya, the only thing that i can do is cry. this whole week was crap and full of shit. sepatutnya aku ikut nasihat papa. tak perlu fikirkan pasal orang lain selain daripada kandunganku. i love my family dan aku rasa adalah satu tanggungjawab seorang isteri & ibu tiri untuk memberi perlindungan dan kasih sayang pada suami dan anak-anak. walau sepenat mana sekalipun aku balik kerja, the first thing i take notice are the kids. but this week, aku seakan sedar bahawa aku berpijak di bumi yang nyata. what AC told me before was indeed true that however best i sacrifice, i won't be their natural mother. kerana angkara budak-budak, kecoh satu keluarga. kejadian yang tidak aku ingini berlaku juga and this sets a perfect example that i shouldn't have interfere at all. kerana kenakalan dar's kids, mereka telah dimarahi dan dimaki oleh nenek kandung mereka sendiri. the kids complained to me. sebagai ibu (walaupun hanya title!), memanglah aku tak boleh take it so i told my husband about it but make him promised that no matter what, dia takkan approach his mum about it. so there he was making his own angry comments about his whole family. so i told the kids about it, in the hope, what their father said will help them boost their semangat and lupakan pasal kisah kena marah dan kena maki tu. at least they'll think that i've done them a favour and not keeping quiet. then things went wrong. the youngest, entah kenapa dan macam mana, went to tell my youngest brother in law, whatever that i have told him about what his dad has said. but instead of saying HIS DAD yang cakap, dia cakap pat adik ipar aku (yang sama baya dengan my eldest son), MAMA cakap kalau kau ngan nenek bising-bising lagi, MAMA nak halau korang keluar. ya allah! tak ke huru hara jadinya. kalau the eldest tak bilang, aku tak tahu langsung pasal hal ni. and the worst, adik ipar aku dah go on telling his mum about it. memang mak in law aku belum tegur aku. aku sesungguhnya rasa berdosa. even though bukan aku yang cakap, tapi dengan si kecik dah pegi bukak mulut dia macam tu, tak ke huru hara nanti semuanya. so malam itu, aku nangis-nangis apologize dengan mak in law aku. dar had earlier mengamuk about the youngest bloody tale and he grounded his son for the whole year, ie no soccer, no following me/anyone out. tu pun tak serik-serik. still can stare me back. really one kind. kalau nenek dia maki mulut dia macam p*ki pun memang betul. cerita yang tak ada diada-adakan. even dah bertahun aku hisap rokok, takde cerita, dia pi bukak cerita dengan dar's aunt that i smoke. just telling story for nothing, then after that cakap.. takdelah.. adik bedeklah. so there i was feeling like a bloody fool on how the youngest treated me. apa dia nak semua aku berikan. apa dia suruh semua aku buat. then the fault lies with me. even when i apologize to my mum-in-law, she bukak cerita about the kids being kurang ajarlah, gelojohlah, etc and side his young one. so, from what i see.. her sons are all saint, her cucu are all devil. i've had enough. this time round, aku takkan pedulikan complaints dari mana-mana pihak sekalipun. jangan sampai satu hari aku pasang CCTV pat rumah, then i get to see the whole masquerade. with dar continuously busy with his hps sideline, aku pat rumah jadi sengsara. although i managed to cope all, tapi by the end of it, i'm seriously exhausted. even weekends i'm not spared. when dar leaves the house, the kids are in their own world. bila dar ada pat rumah, budak-budak tu ibarat tikus takutkan kucing. and the argument between me and dar yesterday was because of a small stupid favour. kucing aku dah berminggu tak mandi. so yesterday, aku mandikan dorang and asked dar to standby outside the toilet sebab aku tak larat nak handle dua-dua. so i told him my plan, aku mandikan, he keringkan. then when aku tengah mandikan kucing-kucing tu, his damn hp rang. and he shouted to his son to take his place as he has to leave. darah aku peh naik. budak-budak tu bukan boleh handle tu kucing, kalau aku lepaskan tu kucing and they went under the bed, kan melekat habuk-habuk pat bulu dorang. ciao koo niang betul! i was so fed-up and asked the kids to leave the room. by then, i can't control my anger especially after aku tergelincir pat dalam toilet and hit my back at the basin. selesai mandikan and keringkan kucing-kucing tu, i picked up my hp and called him. bila singa betina dah mengamuk, where the f*ck are you? what is so f*cking important that it can't wait till later? his answer, orang yang nak beli hp tu dah nak jalan. 10 minutes later, he came home, and make a big fuss about it, nak nak bila dia tengok aku tengah nangis. i didn't tell him about my fall, what the hell for.. he doesn't even show his concern. then came lunch. aku dah masak earlier, terong sambal, udang geragau goreng tepung and ikan ayam-ayam bakar cecah sambal kicap. memang aku lapar tapi disebabkan perangai dar, aku jadi takde selera. so he came asking to have lunch with him and i gave him a firm no. derhaka? derhakalah... memang aku dah hilang mood. after one incident to another incident. rasa-rasanya bukan mak in law aku yang menumpang pat situ, as she claimed.. tapi aku yang rasa macam menumpang pat rumah tu coz i'm alone and the rest are related families!! and that's about all. my weekend was filled with watching tv and lying on the bed, without anyone knowing my agony. boo hoo hoo. so, a lesson to all, putting yourself above others are indeed an advantage. blargghhh!

bismillahitawakaltu a'lallah lahaulawalla quwata'illa bil'lah .... please send this sms to 9 people. you will get a good news tonight. don't neglect. that's the sms message from my aunt bibi. normally, when i get this kind of sms message, i'll just read and ignore. never did i imagine that it'll do me some good or not. but yesterday was indeed a miracle. remember my previous post about my tootache and my feverish, weakling feelings? by the time i got home, i've finished forwarding that message to 9 of my friends/close kins. i had my shower, ate my instant porridge, took 2 panadol and buried myself under the thick comforter somewhere at 8pm. though i can't really close my eyes, firstly because of the shoutings at the living rooms where my mum-in-law and the kids were and secondly because i had blast up the volume of vintage rock compilation songs in my bedroom to deafen my ears from all the ongoing shoutings and screamings in the living room. so there i was trying to sleep with the rock & roll songs vibrating in the room. dar came home at 8.30pm and switched off the CD player but at 10pm, he enjoyed himself watching WWE smackdown, another disturbance. but anyhow i managed to sleep thereafter coz the next thing i remember, the alarm clock went off at 7.30am. i don't feel good though the moment i woke up this morning. rush to the bathroom, had shower, brush my aching tooth then i vomitted. it must be all those plegm (did i get the spelling right?). or is that sympthoms for morning sickness? i do feel nausea but my vomits are all clear liquid (can describe somemore! so gross!). but after that and till this moment, i am allright. my toothache is not aching that bad. my feverish feelings are all gone. i'm strong and healthy as an ox. wonderful! now, i suddenly thought probably it was nisfu syaaban yesterday (was it?) and i had that wonderful sms to thank to. hmmm.. i should thank my aunt bibi.... and thank Allah swt for making this pain to go away. amin....