banyak sangat malapetaka yang menimpa diri. no, not malapetaka, kalau dah sampai ke tahap malapetaka, kira kehidupan aku dah rabaks sangat. lets call it accident, a minor one. memang tak dapat dinafikan lagi kaki kiri aku dah macam jendol kepala ikan luo han. aku accept that fact. then malam semalam, apa punya suwey nasib aku, tak sangka bingkai katil akan melorot and hit my other leg. story dia macam ni. katil bujang yang diperbuat daripada kayu jati mind you!, yang aku nak kasi adik aku dah di-dismantledkan oleh dar and he put it at the balcony entrance, near the dining area. pas tu, dar suruh ijat, adik ipar aku, angkat tu bingkai katil and place it outside at my corridoor. aku pulak tengah berdiri sebelah dining table, packing clothes for my youngest son journey to kota tinggi with my dad friday afternoon. then si ijat ni pulak, mana tangan dengan rokok, mana nak angkat tu kayu.. secara tak sengaja, when he was handling one of the base, satu kayu yang paling berat melorot and it went fast without him realising it.. and KELEPANGGGGG.. terkena tumit kaki kanan aku.. kira kena hit from the back of my leg. aku dah macam lipas kodong. no! lipas kodong untuk orang kuat lari kan? tak.. tak.. macam kera kena belacan.. dah terloncat-loncat sambil menjerit sampai dar panik.. panik, panik jugak but then setakat suruh aku sapu kaki ngan yoko-yoko jer.. yek eleh.. bukan nak tolong sapukan ke.. dah aku jln macam beruk sarkis, mana kaki kiri terenjit-enjit, tumit kanan pulak dah start lebam.. haiz.. apalah dosa aku.. banyak sangat agaknya tak.. sampai dah tertulis takdir aku sekian dan sekian. back to my hospital appointment. waiting time to see the farking bloody surgeon took me almost 2 hours, tu pon lepas dar gegar tu bilik.. hehe.. apa ke tidak, my appointment time is 11.10am, aku datang satu jam cepat lagi at 10.10am. then oklah bila reception cakap i still have to wait.. i did wait tapi bila dah sampai pukul 12.30 nombor aku tak dipanggil-panggil aku cam nak nangis pon ada. so that stoopid doctor cakap dia suggest aku gi detailed scan called the MRI for them to know the cause. kalau setakat normal xray, he said the problem might come back after surgery. so aku cakap ok, nak baik punya pasal. then gedebak gedebuk, paid the consultancy fees then proceed to MRI suite. they advised the cost is max S$825 cash, no goverment grant. amik kau.. peh mahal. so the next appointment will be on 3rd september. after coming back from the hospital, aku and dar sempat jugak shopping at junction 8, bishan. he was the cashier that day, entah apa mood dia ajak aku pi shopping. so i choose myself a ring from kenji, leather sandals, toiletries and groceries, sumer dia bayar. wanted to bought a jeans which dar mentioned he's willing to pay as well tapi takde cutting yang aku berkenan from giordano that day so i decided not to buy. last2, datang naik motor, balik.. aku terpaksa naik teksi coz barang dah terlalu banyak.. hehehehe.. itulah aku kalau dah bershopping sakan. ok.. back to work..

surprisingly, i was so free (but still attached to some project correspondence) from morning to noon but come late afternoon, dubai receipts (for my boss who is now based there) got dumped on my desk. it's not farking little, it's damn a lot, from december 2003 to june 2004 and she begged me to help her with all those receipts. accountants, the only thing they know when coming to financial year end is this word ~ panic. and being the goody-good me, i said ok. can't believe i said that! perhaps not knowing that there's 6 months pile of receipts that has not been keyed in the system. so, i went thru each and every expenses receipts and boy, were they good at spending their money. each month, they spend lavishly on household item and was i jealous. money to them was like nobody business. how good, how comfortable. so, here i am, clock ticking to nearly past 9pm, sitting in the office all bloody alone keying in people's expenses in the system. i wonder how will they cope if i decided to leave this company. i'm the only all rounders in the office, one who can do sets of accounts, one who can meet contractors at site to discuss projects, one who is damn good at handling administration work, one who takes care of the office welfare, one who can tolerate the heat in the warehouse and converse with the banglas & sarawakians there, one who supplier likes to liase with. and talking about supplier. JN from UK came by the office last week. the last time i saw him was when we're still in the old office, across the road. i was in his good books, yeah.. even my boss knew of this old man liking towards me ~ his so-called favourite girl. so, when we spoke, he was looking up and down and said how much i've changed ~ precisely! well, i used to be as slim as a lamp post.. damn this marriage.. and now i look like a buoy.. kherkher! as we were talking, i noticed he was looking for something on me. my wedding ring! he knew i got married but he just didn't wanna ask whether i am still married. so i choose to keep mum. and the next thing i knew, when he went off to HK, he called the office. i happened to answer that call. i felt the vibration.. duh! he asked me what i had been doing during the weekend. i answered, being a good wife, sitting at home, doing what a housewife should do. he kept quiet for at least 5 seconds. then he said, oh! i didn't know you're still married. i didn't saw a ring on your finger the other day. i have guessed it right. i answered, muslim custom or traditions is unlike those of a christian or catholic that wearing a ring is the proof that you're married. he said he didn't know. conversations after that sounds disheartened. i felt sorry but there's nothing i can do. an old man, good hearted, wealthy, a big boss, drive SLK back in UK, divorced ~ good catch if you're after the $$$ that even my boss advise me to go after him previously, that cunt! he should know better. anyways, life has to go on. i'm just happy the way i am now. i'm not that sort who ditch love for money. i am me.

the boys of ballet are back and they're better than ever. yes, those madcap men of Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo invaded the stage earlier with aflutter and toes appointed. the program began with one of their signature works, swan lake and it conveyed the trocks' broad sense of humor. where a gaggle of swans really gaggled. that's not to say that breaking character and muggin reigned supreme, although the audience certainly egged them on. these dancers were good because they created a balletic character to toss aside from time to time. that is to say that the pirouettes were secure, the legs high, the feet pointed, the arms rigorously true to teh classical tradition. so the four little swans, well maybe 3 1/2, actually did most of the original choreography before they cracked the whip on the unsuspecting end swan. that was funny. besides this menage a trois, the ballet also featured swashbuckling swordplay that resulted in a cut finger. but it was all in a night's work for the trocks.. and they still weren't done. maya thickenthighya gave audience a magnificent the dying swan, molting every bourree of the way, gradually stricken with a strange disease that even love story could never match. it would gradually take away the use of her left arm, then her left leg, sending her collapsing to the floor. but she would rise to the audience's acclaim and produce a lavish set of bows that were almost as long as the original dance. and that was really entertaining. never did i wonder art central would feature this exclusive show. it was marvellous. and surprisingly, both dar and me enjoyed the show so much that i began my search on the net. sure enough, these men are now touring the land of the rising sun. next stop, singapore. trocks will be performing at the esplanade from 7th - 11th september and tickets are on sale now. i have my but though. cheapest ticket is as cheap or shall i say still a lil bit expensive at $55 and view to the stage from circle 2 and 3 can be as far far away. i still wish to glitter my way down to the theatre hall but spending $55 x 2, if dar wants to come along, would be too much, knowing it won't be the best view ever. or shall i just spend that amount purchasing their performance cds or whatever thru the net? estimation and calculation.. that doesn't leave me anywhere isn't it? really.

entah kenapa niari mulut aku asyik nak menyanyi jer. macam-macam lagu aku dah nyanyi, dari lagu lelaki ke lagu perempuan ke lagu berkumpulan. dangdut jer aku belum nyanyi. tolonggg.. tak berminatz sejak dulu lagi. cakap pasal lagu, aku suka lagu anuar zain yang baru tu.. title of the song.. mungkin. tu lagu kalau pasang earpiece, dengar dalam bas on the way home, boleh tangkap feeling jap aku. senikatanya yang so the feeling tu macam meluahkan isi hati si lelaki. cukup tarching tu lagu. betul.. tak bedek.. aku nyanyi eh.. biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama bukan maksud untuk membisu sepi tanpa kata terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini dalam mencari cinta sejati nan suci mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa akan terubat kini hanya satu pintaku sabarlah menanti ku kan pulang bersama... cinta... kalau masih tak convince, pi dengar sendiri pat radio... *promote ni* lagi satu, lagu yang pernah didendangkan oleh sharifah aini & broery marantika dulu.. sekarang kedengaran lagi di corong radio, kini dipopularkan oleh penyanyi husband & wife yang powderful, nurul & ajai. kalau tengah masak pat dapur ngan dar, aku suka nyanyi ni lagu. aku nak nyanyi jugak... seiring dan sejalan seindah bunga di taman bak burung nan megah kanda (ni word aku tukar jadi 'suami') ku puja bahagia kita berdua berlari berkejaran lupakan segala duka di kota di desa di gunung dan laut berlagu kita berdua dinda (dar tukar ni jadi 'ayang') kanda (aku lak tukar jadi 'abang') burung pun turut menyanyi tawa riang dan cinta mula bersemi la la la la la la la (macam la la la tamplongggg lak eh) best kan kalau each and every couple have their own song to sing? suka? aku lagi suka.. macam romantic gitu.. even though its not so-called our own song (tak lah macam aridewa yang pandai karang lirik & lagu tu) tapi its just that when the song is on air.. ia mengingatkan aku kembali to that happy moments ~ oh.. that was the song that i sang with dar in the kitchen. well.. sebetulnya aku tengah takde kerja. tengah sengsorang dok pat dalam opis. tengah free giler tu sebab boleh nyanyi & blog panjang berjela. haiz.. ni sumer setakat siulan bibir jer.. tak lebih dari itu.. su-wear.. kata doink, lirik lagu pat atas tu takde kena mengena dengan yang hidup ataupun yang mati. setakat siulan bibir di kala kesepian dalam opis.. *wink* bilaku kesepian hatiku tidak karuan suara angin yang lalu mendayu ke telinga hallermak.. lagu rusty blade pulak yang aku nyanyi.. sumer lagu old skool.. dah ah.. aku nak pi nyanyi lagi.. chalooooooooo

can't think of anything nice to write now. mind's blank. heart pumping, thinking of my almost bleak future. the only thing this mind can recall is the careless step missed on the deck of 2nd storey of blk 616 on tuesday morning and the 2 days rest plus the referral letter to tan tock seng this month end to meet the well-known dr sarbjit singh from department of orthopaedic surgery. how can i missed that one bloody step, for crying out loud?! and the only thing this mind can think of was the nasty note the poly doctor said and wrote a smoker. old surgery due to tissue clot. new trauma, another tissue clot at the same leg. advise to stop smoking, tissue clot may lead to being fatal. how can one sleep in peace now? suddenly i saw darkness....... *deep long sigh*